Third Term Blog Entry

In the past month, I have tried to implement the tools I learned in Gary Chapman’s, Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way. I continuously attempted to evaluate my anger and focus on the cause of it and also if it was discriminate or distorted anger. When I found my anger was discriminate, I focused on what the injustice was and whether or not it was worth confronting the perpetrator or practicing forgiveness. The majority of the time, I was able to release my discriminate anger but I definitely struggled with my distorted anger.

My husband and I took a trip to London, England this past month for a family vacation. Within the first hour of arriving, I immediately began to experience distorted anger. I tried to self-reflect and understand where my anger was coming from. I understood that I was sleep deprived, tired of traveling, our daughter was being a handful, and I was frustrated that we were lost. I tried to calm myself down and realize that I was being ridiculous but it seemed just as I would begin to calm down, something else would happen to fire me up again. This happened the entirety of our trip and inevitably, I ended up feeling like a complete jerk. I am usually a happy go lucky person and very appreciative, but on this trip I acted like a spoiled brat to my husband. I apologized a handful of times on our trip and once we arrived at home. Thankfully my anger went almost unnoticed to him and did not affect his trip, however, it spoiled mine.

Other than our London trip, I feel that I have successfully implemented the tools I learned in Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way. I practice a great deal of self-reflection and self-talk and it helps me to compose myself and not act irrationally. It also allows me to understand where my anger is originating from and to release my anger, rather than hold onto it. I am happy that I have successfully learned to control my discriminate anger but I still have some ways to go with my distorted anger. 

Blog Entry Week 6

Personal Journal 6.2

p. 217 Thinking Long-Term

Impulse: If we have a little extra money at the end of the month, I have the bad habit of spending it rather than saving it.

1. The short-term, satisfying consequence of giving into this impulse, is that I am able to buy things that I want such as new clothes, things for the house, go out to eat, etc.

2. The long-term, negative consequence of giving into this impulse is that we are unable to save money in case an emergency arises. 

3. The short-term consequences do not outweigh the long-term consequences because it is better to have piece of mind that our family is taken care of in an emergency rather than having a new pair of jeans. I will remind myself of this next time the impulse arises.

Personal Journal 6.4

p. 248 Pros and Cons

PROS

Option 1:

Action - Rejoin the Army.

Goal(s) it would support – I would be working in an organization that I love. I would constantly be challenged physically and mentally, have the ability to travel, and have job security.

Value(s) it would support - Physical fitness, camaraderie, duty, selfless-service.

Option 2:

Action - Work as a civilian.

Goal(s) it would support – I would have the ability to choose the direction of my career, I would have more family time, and freedom to make major life decisions, such as moving, changing careers, etc.

Value(s) it would contradict – Generosity, family, and freedom.

CONS

Option 1:

Action - Rejoin the Army.

Goal(s) it would contradict – I would not be able to spend as much time with my family, the Army would mandate where I lived, worked, and where my children went to school, time off, etc.

Value(s) it would support – Family and freedom.

Option 2:

Action - Work as a civilian.

Goal(s) it would contradict – I would not have the pleasure of working in an organization that I truly love and value. I would also not have the job security the Army offers.

Value(s) it would contradict – Patriotism, self-less service (within the military), and duty.

Blog Entry Week 5

Personal Journal 5.1

p. 174 Focusing on the Good

Today I am grateful for my daughter, my husband, and the ability to stay at home and focus on raising my daughter and completing my degree.

Three good things that happened to me today were spending time with my friend, spending quality time with my daughter and husband, and my mother buying a plane ticket for me to come visit her.

Three good things that I have to look forward to in the future are going out with my girlfriends for dinner, taking my daughter trick or treating, and going to visit my family.

Personal Journal 5.3

p. 199 From Irrational to Rational

Irrational Belief: I should never make mistakes.

Rational Belief: While I would like to be perfect, it is okay to make mistakes. Making mistakes is part of being human.

Irrational Belief: I must succeed at everything.

Rational Belief: Failure is a part of life. Failure is often what leads to success.

Irrational Belief: I should worry about every bad thing that could possibly happen.

Rational Belief: Worrying about what could happen will not prevent it from happening and will only cause unnecessary stress and anxiety.

Irrational Belief: I should be kind, generous, competent, and loving at all times.

Rational Belief: It is okay to occasionally be selfish or angry in the appropriate situation.

Second Term Blog Entry

 Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way, by Gary Chapman seems to be a very insightful view into how and why anger occurs in us. He explains our physical, emotional, and even spiritual reaction to anger. He teaches the difference between definitive anger, which occurs when there is a valid injustice occuring, and distorted anger, which is a response to our bad mood, frustration, etc, and not a valid injustice. He explains the difference between explosive and implosive anger, the causes behind them, and how to appropriately deal with your anger so neither of these become detrimental. He encourages forgiveness of yourself and of others and demonstrates tactics for dealing with someone who is angry.

While I feel that Gary Chapman's heavy focus on Christianity alienates some audiences, I found his book to be helpful. It was very interesting to learn how anger occurs physically in the body and the difference between discriminate and distorted anger. I enjoyed reading the stories from different people's life experiences with anger and I especially enjoyed Chapman's story recounting his experience with an angry individual. I especially found this portion of the book helpful. It is always easy to become defensive when someone angry is confronting you and this book gave me the tools to deescalate the situation.

I feel that I have already begun to put much of what I learned into action. When I find myself angry over something, I stop and try to determine whether my anger is definitive or distorted. If it is distorted, which it usually is, I try to understand where that anger is coming from, why it is occurring, and then let it go, rather than continue to get worked up. I was also able to put into practice dealing with an angry individual. I was confronted, used Chapman's tools, and the situation quickly deescalated and led to a civilized and productive discussion. It was great! I am hoping to continue working on acknowledging and dealing with my distorted anger in a healthy manner. I may struggle with this a bit in the heat of the moment but I just have to remind myself that nothing productive will come from it and release it.

Blog Entry Week 4

Chapter 4 Blog

p. 139 Learning to Cope

A problem that I struggle with is math. I have always had a difficult time in math and I put off the subject for as long as I could, until I finally had to take it this semester and last. Now that I am taking math classes, I find that I put off my homework until the last minute to avoid the stress and frustration, which inevitably makes it worse. 

When I avoid doing my math homework I feel anxious, embarrassed, and stupid

When I cope I feel confident, intelligent, and proud.

Coping with the problem makes me feel better about myself . I can begin coping with this problem by setting suspension dates for my homework a day earlier than the homework is due and sticking to them! I can also work on my homework for 1 hour each day, rather than waiting and cramming it all in over a 3 hour period.